Which? (2)

I always thought that one should be with as many people as one wants. Like in an ideal world: everyone loves each other. People live in groups of “lovers”, people don't care if their lover is with someone else too, everyone “is with” everyone...

You knew my ideas. I had told you. You didn't like it. It was not the way you thought. So we talked. Many times. After our relationship reached where we were so attached to each other, we talked again, and we thought that although loving several people is a beautiful thing and it is also a beautiful thing to let your feelings grow for everyone, it would not let us be like that anymore, if it happened to any of us. Because, as we knew, we, as any other people, had certain amount of time and energy, and either it would have to be divided or completely pulled away from one of those persons in favor on the other one. (This is yet without considering many unthought problems that might appear in our everyday life in a not-even-close-to-ideal society in which we were grown up.) So we thought we probably should at least try not letting our feelings create an attachment to other people in us. Maybe this was the only way.

Well, now I think maybe it is better that one chooses their way of dealing with relationships in their life: Either choose the “long-term” relationship, with probably ultimate attachment, and try to grow it, or choose a lifestyle of “changing” relationships (like the people changing relationships in a year, or even in a couple of months), probably with less attachment and love. Maybe the mediocrity here won't work, at least in the society we're living in, and with our personalities. Because a combination of “long-term” and “changing” will probably require you to break hearts, and because you will probably need to destroy all you have, and start from scratch.

When two people have been together for a couple of years, they probably already have many things between them. They have a mutual understanding, there are many memories and feelings between them, and there's a strong emotional support for both of them in hard times. Now if one of them wants to start a new, probably long-term relationship which may lead to marriage (and leave the first one), then all of those will probably be lost, plus there will be a broken heart left alone (and another sad heart, probably).

So I thought, maybe a better way when we see our feelings towards someone are growing, is that we try not to let any big expectations of us develop in the person, and tell them the truth, that we are already in a relationship that we want to keep (well if you wanted to keep it at all), let them know this before there is any strong attachment (when we felt it may occur soon), and at the same time try to control our feelings too (while staying (even close) friends with them). Maybe this is the only practice that will at least to some degree let us feel more secured about our relationship. (Of course if you want it too)

I'm not sure you think this will work, though. It just came to my mind.

These aren't my feelings. My feelings just want you. Because my heart just wants you... without any particular reason. The “reason” is you. It doesn't want you to go, It wants you to be there. But my heart also wants you to be happy, and do whatever you want to do. And so it can't decide: It wants both at the same time... So these are rather what my mind told me might be how we probably can deal with those feelings, so that both are happy (depending on you, of course :) ).


I may share the idea with you after things got a little more calm. But not now! (or maybe never, as I feel too insecure about telling you such a thing)