"Imaginary Friend"

06/04/11 - 09:56 AM

(copied from the diary)

I won't forget this. I can't...

2009/11/29

Dear imaginary friend,

I miss you so much. I wish you were here so that I could tell you about all my thoughts and worries, and you'd calm me just by holding my hands. Today, I looked all around me to find someone, I feel close enough to talk to and I noticed there's no one but you.

I felt like I needed a shoulder to cry on, but there was no shoulder so I didn't cry! Or maybe it was just an excuse. Yesterday I wanted to stop crying and I couldn't. Today I want to cry and I can't! All in all I can never have what I want. Maybe it's easier to change what I want! Will I be happy if I think I don't want to cry today?! But I can't think so. What's the point?!

...(censored)

Anyone would laugh at me talking like that about love. I'll be twenty in less than two months and I'm still considered too young to know anything about life! I'm officially rejected by everyone, but you.

I wish you existed...

There was a time you wanted something, and you thought you couldn't, and wouldn’t have it, and you talked to your imaginary friend. You didn't know that you can have it so easily, so soon. And, you didn't know that there will be a time that you won't want it anymore.

I am happy that I could give it to you, and make you happy (If you think I did!).

But now, I think I am the one in need of an imaginary friend, so much. I need a shoulder to cry on, but there's no shoulder. So I don't cry. Crying doesn't change anything. But I know that I am exploding. Soon I will. No shoulder being there can only be for a short time an excuse for not crying. It will be a short time, because this time, I not only THINK that I can't have what I want, but I'M SURE. I see it. I see that I can never have what I want. And, maybe it's easier to change what I want. Will I be happy if I don't cry today? And a couple of days on? I can't think so! What's the point?!

Now, my imaginary friend, that something like a hard stone is pressing on my throat tightly, and that there's no one I can talk to, now that everything has suddenly lost color, now that I feel extremely alone, I need your help. I wish you existed...