Held captive

Within a cold, black stone wall,
are caught two windows...
two weary ones, two lonely ones...
One is me, the other; you.

We must remain captives,
for thus only could we remain alive.
For us, liberation is death;
We die at the moment we are liberated...

May this wall crumble...
May we die together...
and then in another world,
take the hands of one another...

Maybe there is no pain of aversion
within their souls,
Maybe there exists no wall
between their windows.


Based on a poem by Ardalan Sarafraz

Grwnuparium - #3

No one really knows where Painoblem comes from, or what's the reason it even exists. Some say it's a result of the way people, including boxes, balls, gows and sansevierias treat each other. Plants are an exception here, since they can't talk or treat anyone.

Some say the existence of Painoblem is perfectly natural, and that one can't imagine a world without Painoblem. Some, however, argue that it's anything but natural, because it arises when boxes and balls act like idiots. Gows and sansevierias are not included here, since gow's can't act like idiots, and sansevierias never do. This group say that there would be no Painoblem around if boxes and balls didn't act like idiots.

But then again a question is raised: what makes boxes or balls act like idiots? The first answer that comes to mind is the Painoblem itself. That makes the problem of Painoblem a very difficult problem to solve. The only thing that you can do with the Painoblem is to be patient with it, and to try to keep the sanity of your mind. Otherwise, well, as it is written on the gates, "WLKM→ GRWNUPARIUM"!


[Read more here]

[About Grwnuparium]

بزگترستان - ش ۳

هیج کس دقیقن نمی‌دونه مشکنج از کجا می‌آد یا اصلن چرا وجود داره. بعضی‌ها می‌گن منشأش طرز رفتار ساکنین غاک -یعنی جعبه‌ها، توپ‌ها، غاوها و سانسویریاها- با همدیگه است. البته گیاه‌ها هم از ساکنین غاک هستن؛ ولی از اونجایی که گیاه‌ها نمی‌تونن با کسی رفتار کنن یا حتی صحبت کنن، نمی‌تونن تو این موضوع نقشی داشته باشن.

بعضی‌ها هم می‌گن وجودِ مشکنج کاملن طبیعیه و اصلا نمی‌شه دنیا رو بدونِ مشکنج تصور کرد. بعضی‌های دیگه هم البته می‌گن که اصلن هم طبیعی نیست؛ دلیل‌شون هم اینه که مشکنج وقتی به وجود می‌آد که جعبه‌ها یا توپ‌ها ابلهانه رفتار می‌کنن؛ که این از نظر اون‌ها طبیعی نیست. از نظر اون‌ها، اگه جعبه‌ها و توپ‌ها ابلهانه رفتار نمی‌کردن، مشکنجی هم وجود نداشت. البته اینجا غاوها و سانسویریاها هم به حساب نمی‌یان؛ چون غاوها نمی‌تونن ابلهانه رفتار کنن، و سانسویریاها هم که هیچ‌وقت نمی‌کنن.

اما در این صورت یه سؤال دیگه هم پیش می‌آد: چی باعث می‌شه توپ‌ها یا جعبه‌ها ابلهانه رفتار کنن؟ اولین دلیلی که به ذهنِ خیلی‌ها می‌رسه، خودِ مشکنجه. این موضوع باعث شده حلِّ معمای مشکنج به همین سادگی‌ها هم نباشه. تنها کاری که می‌شه در برابر مشکنج انجام داد اینه که باهاش روبرو شی و تحملش کنی. در غیر این صورت، باید بهت گفت، همونطور که روی تابلوی ورودیِ بزگترستان نوشته، «خشمد ب بزگترستان»؛ که یعنی «به بزگترستان خوش آمدی!»

[شماره‌های قبلی]

[درباره‌ی بزگترستان]

Grndulario - #3

Neniu vere scias de kie la Doloblemo venas, kaj pro kio ĝi ekzistas. Iuj opinias ke ĝi devenas el la maniero kiel la vivaĵoj, inkludante skatoletojn, pilketojn, govojn, kaj sansevieriojn, traktas unu la alian. Plantoj ne estas inkludata, ĉar ili ne povas paroli aŭ trakti iun.

Estas aliaj kiuj opinias ke ekzistado de Doloblemo estas tute normala, kaj oni ne povas imagi mondon sen la Doloblemo. Sed samtempe, laŭ aliaj, ĝi estas neniel normala, ĉar ĝi ekestas kiam skatoletoj kaj pilketoj agas kiel idiotoj. Govoj kaj sansevierioj ne estas menciitaj, ĉar govoj ne povas agi kiel idiotoj, kaj sansevierioj neniam agas tiel. Laŭ tiu grupo, neniu Doloblemo ekzistus se skatoletoj kaj pilketoj ne agus kiel idiotoj.

Sed tiel, jen alia enigmo: Kio vere kaŭzas ke skatoletoj aŭ pilketoj agu kiel idiotoj? La unua kialo ke oni trovas en sia kapo, estas ja la Doloblemo mem. Pro tio, solvi la enigmon de la Doloblemo estas tre malfacila. La sola ago kiun oni povas fari pri la Doloblemo estas ke oni toleru ĝin kaj provu resti prudenta. Alie, kiel skribita sur la pordegoj, "BNVN→ GRNDULARIO"!


[Legu plu]

[Pri Grndulario]

Grndulario - #2

Neniu Grndulo estis Grndulo ekde sia naskiĝtago. Iam ĉiuj ili estis aliaj vivaĵoj, ekzemple, skatoletoj aŭ pilketoj en diversaj koloroj. Sed ekde kiam oni ekvidas ion nomita la Doloblemo, kaj ekkredas ke ri ne povas ĝin fronti, oni komencas deviĝi Grndulo.

Eĉ la ideo ke oni ne povas toleri la Doloblemon povas ŝanĝi rin kaj igi rin Grndulon. Se oni vivas sur la erdo, ĉiam estas iom da Doloblemo ĉirkaŭe. La plimulto de la loĝantoj (krom govoj, plantoj, kaj sansevierioj) deviĝas Grnduloj post vivi kelkan tempon sur la erdo. La novaj Grnduloj translokiĝas al la Grndulario por vivi kun aliaj Grnduloj.

Ne ĉiuj povas ja fronti la Doloblemon...


[Legu plu]

[Pri Grndulario]

بزگترستان - ش ۲

هیچ بزگتری از اولش بزگتر به دنیا نمیاد. تقریبا همه‌شون یه روزگاری چیزای دیگه‌ای بودن؛ مثل جعبه‌ها یا توپ‌های رنگارنگ. اما از لحظه‌ای که با چیزی به اسمِ مُشکَنج روبرو می‌شن و خودشون رو در برابرش ناتوان می‌بینن، شروع می‌کنن به تبدیل شدن به یه بزگتر.

حتی تصورِ اینکه نتونی مشکنج رو تحمل کنی می‌تونه تغییرت بده و به یه بزگتر تبدیلت کنه. وقتی هم روی غاک زندگی کنی، همیشه یه مقداری مشکنج دوروبرت هست. بیشترِ ساکنینِ غاک (بجز غاوها، گیاه‌ها، و سانسویریاها) بعد از یه مدت زندگی روی این سیاره تبدیل به بزگتر می‌شن و می‌رن به بزگترستان تا اونجا پیش بقیه‌ی بزگترها زندگی کنن.

می‌دونی، تحمل کردنِ مشکنج کار هر کسی نیست...

[شماره‌های قبلی]

[درباره‌ی بزگترستان]

Grwnuparium - #2

Almost no Grwnup is born as a Grwnup on ter. All of them used to be other things, like colorful balls and boxes. But they change and turn into Grwnups once they feel something called Painoblem and find that they can't bear it.

Even the thought of not being able to bear Painoblem can change anyone and turn them into Grwnups. There is always some Painoblem around you when you live on this planet. Most of the residents of ter (except gows, plants, and sansevierias) turn into Grwnups after they lived for a while on ter. Then they move to Grwnuparium to live with other Grwnups.

You know, not everyone can bear Painoblem...


[Read more here]

[About Grwnuparium]

He

He was barely 10 years old. He had dirty ragged clothes on. He was pulling behind himself a handcart full of recyclable garbage. He would stop in front of each garbage can in the street. He had to climb the large cans so that he could see the inside. Then he would search for useful things, grab some plastic bottles or containers, throw them on the cart and go on to the next can.

I went to the grocery store, right in front of the garbage can he was searching. I bought bananas and squashes. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I got out of the store and walked to him. "hey!... how are you doin'?" I said. He raised his head and and looked at me with a smile. It was a true smile. He was so child. There was no trace of the violence of the work he was doing in his face. I gave a banana to him: "here... take it." "Thanks." he said politely.

But what will he be like when he grew up? I know a banana will do no "Serious" good to him, but I hope I could give him the feeling that he is not that lonely, and that there are people in the world that think and care about him and his friends. Because there are many people around the world who care about them, and while many of them do actual Serious help to them, many have no idea how to help them, and can just give bananas and hold hands or maybe shoulders.

The thing is, that whether it is a "Serious" or a "cuddly" help, while helpful, it can't eliminate the problem. It's the society's very foundations that are to blame. It's the way of our thinking and seeing the life that is to blame. We, human beings, are to blame, and it takes time for us to change. Bad for us.

I can only hope his little mind is able to bear the pain that the society is causing to him, and that he won't lose his hope, and his beautiful innocence.


I hoped you liked the banana. I wish I could do more for you :)

Words, attitude, life

*** This may be disturbing. Please don't read it if you don't care about my problems! ***

When a person is having suicidal ideation, it's not a good idea to tell them "Please don't talk about that again!", "What about your family?", or shake your head with a sense of regret. It is best to avoid such attitude, and pay attention to the person, listen to them, and make them feel they are understood. There are many reasons that may cause a person to think about suicide, but one major cause is feeling lonely. When a person is lonely and talks about suicide, it's a clear sign that they are thinking about it, probably more seriously than the way they are talking about it. When they are faced with guilt and judgment, it obviously doesn't help them with their situation. They will probably feel more lonely, and if there are no help from the outside to weaken that feeling, not surprisingly it could lead to suicide. (Source: some authentic medical websites on the internet)

***

I'm lonely. I really think no one cares about me...

and I'm having some serious suicidal thinking from time to time.

And I think there is no single person in my life who won't blame me if I tell them something about those thoughts.

I know, I know... I should be strong... I should be independent of my environment... I shouldn't think about negative ideas... I should be positive... I should be responsible... I should... I shouldn't... should... shouldn't... should...

Yea, that's it! Problem solved!

Grndulario - #1

ode loĝas en Grndulario; ie sur unu el miloj da miliardoj da planedoj flosantaj en la ĉielo. ode estas senkolora skatoleto, esperanta.

La planedo nomiĝas erdo. Multaj diversaj vivantoj loĝas sur erdo, kiel aliaj skatoletoj, pilketoj, govoj, plantoj, sansevierioj, kaj pluraj aliaj vivaĵoj. Sed en Grndulario, Grnduloj loĝas plejparte.


[Legu plu]

Grndulario - #0

ode promenis tra la sulkoj de Grndulario. Ri vidis la helion aperantan malantaŭe de la konstruaĵoj, kiu, komence, estigis la sulkojn.

Ri pensis: Kiel malfeliĉa! Ne povi vidi la helion pro tiuj brutaj, obtuzaj strukturoj, kiuj estas ĉie. Ri sentis sin sufokata. Ri deziris esti plu supren, ekstere de la sulkoj. ode ja amas la helion.

بزگترستان - ش ۱

اوده توی بزگترستان زندگی می‌کنه؛ یه جایی روی یکی از هزارها میلیارد سیاره که توی آسمون شناورن. اوده یه جعبه‌ی بی‌رنگه... و البته امیدوار.

اسم سیاره‌ی اوده، غاکه. چیزای زیادی روی غاک زندگی می‌کنن، مثل جعبه‌های دیگه، توپ‌ها، غاوها، گیاه‌ها، سانسویریاها و کلی چیز دیگه. اما بزگترستان، یه جایی از غاکه که توش بیشتر بُزُگتَرها زندگی می‌کنن.


[شماره‌های قبلی]

Grwnuparium - #1

ode lives in Grwnuparium; somewhere on one of thousands of billions of planets floating there. ode is a colorless, hopeful box.

The planet is called ter. There are many things living on ter, like other boxes, balls, gows, plants, sansevierias, and all sorts of different things. Grwnuparium, however, is a place on ter where mostly Grwnups live.


[Read more here]

Closer

I just accidentally found this song. I listened to it. It was one of "our" songs. One of the songs we used to listen together. if you're reading this post, I ask you to listen to it too. No I'm not trying to awaken any feelings in you. I just want you to listen to it, and see how you feel about it. You can then tell me about your experience if you want. It's interesting for me to know about it.

Here is a link to the mp3 file if you don't have the song.

How to slow down my fantasymaking machine?

I have an overactive mind. I'm almost always thinking. I fantasize about virtually everything. About me, about people, about different situations, about the future, the world. I especially have a lot of emotional and erotic fantasies. This is not necessarily a bad thing. But I think it's out of my control now. I can't concentrate. I can't do my work without fantasizing about irrelevant things.

The problem is that those feelings are not satisfied in me. And I don't see them being satisfied in the future. And that, I think, is the reason why my fantasies get out of control. Whenever I feel some good emotional support, fantasizing activity of my mind drops. Then I feel my mind is more free, and I can do more things. But most of the time (almost always) that's not the case: I crave attention, support and contact, and since these are not satisfied, my mind automatically starts fantasizing about them, maybe to create a fake sense of emotional contact for me. I know I would still fantasize even if I received enough emotional support, because maybe that's part of my personality. But I know it would be to a healthy amount, not out of control, as it is now.

Is there any cure for this? I'm really suffering. I know what the real cure is, but I don't have it right now. I want an alternative cure. Any advice would be appreciated.

Send your advice to Grwnuparium, Strangers' Section, Angulo de la Espero.