NO IT ISN'T!!!

 *** WARNING to some particular person: This post was written while in an upset mood, has an angry tone, and may contain inconsiderate wording. READ ONLY IF YOU THINK YOU CAN UNDERSTAND IT AND AVOID JUDGING ***

If you say such things, it's not your fault; because you don't know how I really was and what happened to me...

No it isn't nice! It can't be nice! I just had an achievement and anyone in my place would be so happy... and would probably forget about their emotional problems (at least temporarily), but I'm not happy! I'm still depressed. I can't enjoy my life. Because my life feels empty. Because something should be there and isn't. Because nothing makes sense for me anymore. Because I don't know what I'm exactly doing, how I spend my days, I have no idea! It just passes and passes. It can't be nice. This is not nice.

For your information, and if you really think your not being there caused me to study better and succeed in that exam, I want you to know that back then I studied only one and half month of the total five months I had to study. I absolutely wasted the rest of my time. I couldn't study a single word (no exaggeration). I spent whole of that time watching stupid series, surfing the net and doing other useless things, just to spend my time. and WHY? because I was so depressed! I felt no point in doing things. It was only a few weeks before the exam that I was really frightened by the outcomes and started to actually study something out of fear.

After I took the exam, I traveled to the north three times, and the main reason was for changing my environment and recovering. In fact I was feeling well during those trips, but when I came back home I felt even worse than before! (This was when I told you I miss you a lot and told you to ignore that statement, which you probably don't remember). I felt worse than any other time, and I was absolutely alone... until now, which I'm still absolutely alone. I'm starting to think that no one is really lonelier than me...

I hope you'll never experience such situations, and my intention by saying these was in no way blaming you. I just wanted to point out to you, that THIS ABSOLUTELY ISN'T NICE! and yes, it's exactly because you're not there for me anymore.

NOTE: I "unpublished" this a few hours after posting. It was saved as draft a couple of weeks, then I republished it.